Show Me The Meaning
by hmsjonas
Summary: My name is Nate Gray. And I did not just get punk'd by Ashton Kutcher, I just lost the love of my life-Holly Anne Gray. And now I am left to be the widowed father of three...this is my story. Rated T for safety.
1. Intro

She was gone. Holly. _My_ Holly. Holly Anne Gray.  
The love of my life since I was 17-gone. Just like  
that, in a split of a second because of a drunk driver.  
I felt sick-I was going to throw up. Why did GOD  
have to do this to me? Why her? Why coudn't it  
be me that died-anything but Holly.

My name is Nate Gray, and I did _not_ just get  
punk'd-even though I wish I was and this was  
all some sick, cruel joke and Ashton was going  
to jump out anytime and yell, "YOU JUST GOT PUNK'D!"  
But he wasn't coming, I wasn't being punk'd and  
it wasn't some cruel sick joke, it was reality and  
I just became a widowed father of _three._


	2. Chapter 1

N a t e ' s P o v

_"Holly Anne Gray was such a happy person, always having a smile on her face and always putting one on others. She was quirky and one of the most loveable girls I had ever met. I'll never forget the day we met. It may sound cliche, but she was one of our old band's fans. She was the girl at the rock show-that face in the crowd. I asked security to let her come backstage to the meet and greet and as they say-the rest was history. No more than two and a half years later we were married and starting our family together. Even though everyone said we were too young, we didn't care because all that mattered was that we loved eachother. She was the perfect mother. She knew how to do everything and when to do anything. She's leaving behind three kids, a husband, a mom, a dad, a little sister, and a gazillion friends, but we will always love and remember her. Thank you."_

Those words I spoke no more than five minutes ago were like a blur to me. She wasn't gone, she couldn't be. It felt like I had just spoken to her, when in reality I spoke to her a week ago-ten minutes before I would loose the love of my life to some drunken asshole. How was I going to live without _her_? How was I going to raise a sixteen-year-old, a thirteen-year-old _and_ a four-year-old without _her_? Shane has Kayleigh, Jason has Samantha and me? I have _no one_. I can't do this without _her._ Seth shut everyone out the second he got the news, Collin misses her, but just doesn't want to admit it and Bella still asks where mommy is. I can't do it. I don't know what to do. I-"_You gotta hold yourself together, Nate._" I told myself. It was true. I had to hold myself together, atleast for the sake of our kids. Yes. Even though she's gone, they're still _our_ kids. They wouldn't be here without-

"Nate?" My brother, Shane's, voice said from above me. It was only then that I realized that the ceremony was over and I had silent tears running down my cheeks. All three of my kids standing behind him watching me. Seth with annoyed eyes-he probably wanted to go home. Collin with knowing eyes-he knew why I was like this. And little Bella with scared, confused eyes-she had no idea what was really going on. I wiped the stray tears away quickly, before standing up.

"Yea." I sighed, knowing what he was going to say. He was going to say that I looked like shit and needed some rest.

"Nate. Man, you look like shit and need some rest." He said honestly, putting his hand on my shoulder. Told you. I cracked a small, _very small_, smile and nodded my head in agreement.

"Yea, I do." I said. "Come on you guys, let's go home." I said picking Bella up. After making our way through the crowd and hearing almost everyone's "sorries" and offers of help if I "needed it" we finally got to my BMW. I put Bella in her car seat and Collin and Seth sat in the seats on either side of her, keeping her in the middle. I got in the driver's seat and heard Seth roll his

I-Pod volume to maximum, which would have gotten him an earful from Holly, and leaned his head against the window. "Seth, turn it down." I said looking at him through the rear view mirror seeing him just roll his eyes. I sighed as I turned the car on and drove out of the parking lot and onto the street. the car ride was pretty much silent, except for the low volumed radio and the occasional "Seth, turn it down," none of which got responses to. When we pulled into the driveway I had had enough of Seth's attitude and no help from him. I turned the car off and turned around before saying, "Seth! Turn it down!" He finally turned it down, not by much though, and Bella decided that now was the time to ask the question that should not have been asked at this moment.

"Daddy, when is mommy coming back-"

"Never, Bella! Never! Because of _you_ she's _never_ coming back!" He yelled pulling his ear buds out. "You just _had_ to have your stupid toy right then and there didn't you! You couldn't wait for dad to get home could you! GOD! I wish you were never born! I hope you're happy, because _I hate you_!" He yelled at her. She sat there quivering, her bottom lip trembling and her eyes watering before she burst out into tears.

"Seth!" I yelled once realization hit me of what he was saying to her.

"Yea, I hate you too. Mom wouldn't even have been out there if you had come home when you were supposed to!" He said bitterly, pushing himself out of the car and letting himself in the house before slamming the door.

"Collin." I said in as nice a voice as I could muster knowing I could explode any minute. "Please, go inside and tell your brother to stay in his room and wait for me. I have to talk to him about this." Collin just shook his head, scared, and followed Seth into the house. I got into the backseat with Bella and pulled her from her carseat and onto my lap holding her to my chest, letting her cry. "Please Bella, stop crying."

"Bu-Bu-But Seth hates me!" She wailed.

"Of course he doesn't, Bell." I said hugging her closer. "He's just mad that mommy isn't coming back."

"But why!?" She cried even harder, burrowing her head in the crook of my neck. I sighed, trying to figure out how to tell her.

"Bella, remember how mommy used to read you the stories from your books?" I asked, deciding to take this route.

"Yea." She said beggining to calm down-she still doesn't get it.

"Well someone up in the sky needed her stories more." I said looking down at her. She pulled away from me and looked out the door and up at the graying sky.

"Really? But I don't see her!" She said looking everywhere frantically.

"You will. One day. You will, Bella." I said holding her to me.

"Did he really mean it, daddy? Is it really my f-fault that mommy's gone?" That just about killed me. How could he be so harsh on his little sister when it wasn't just him that was suffering. Just yesterday he blew up on her for asking him to play a song her for on his guitar earning him a month of grounding and me having to take 45 minutes to get her to calm back down.

"Absolutely 100% no. Your brother didn't mean what he said-it's not your fault and he doesn't hate you. Who could hate that face?" I said poking her cheek making her giggle.

"Is he in trouble now?"

"Yea. He's in trouble now." I said making sure I had my keys before getting out of the car with her still in my arms. "Now come on, let's go inside and I'll make you some lunch."

"No, I'm not hungry, I'm tired." She said as we walked up the driveway. I looked at my watch and noticed it was already two o'clock, "oh yea. Already two o'clock. It's two hours passed nap time." I said walking into the house. There was Seth, sitting in the living room flipping through the channels on the television.

"Seth, you better get up to your room." When he didn't budge I covered Bella's ear, her right ear was pressed against my chest. "Now! Seth!" I felt Bella jump at my voice and heard Seth groan as he turned the t.v off and got up.

"Great, now you're gonna take the _murderer's_ side?" He said looking Bella right in the eye at the mention of murderer. "Great dad, that's just _awsome_." He said sarcastically, beggining to walk up the stairs.

"You're grounded." I said watching him reach the top steps.

"Yea, tell me something I don't know." He said turning down the hall.

"Two _more_ months!" I yelled going up the stairs as well, just getting a slammed door as a response.

"I told him dad. He just wouldn't listen." Collin said coming out of his room.

"It's okay, Collin." I said passing him.

"Can I watch t.v downstairs?"

"Yea." I said walking into Bella's room. I laid her in her bed, kissing her forehead and pulling her covers up. "Try to rest, sweetie." I said running my thumb over her cheek, knowing that calms her down and helps her fall asleep faster. Half an hour late I was sure she was asleep so I walked out of her room, closing the door, and walked down the hallway, the t.v volume getting more audible, and stood outside Seth's room. I looked up at the ceiling and silently prayed, "_please_ Holly, help me with him. I can't do this without you." I turned arounf and put my hand on the door knob, "here goes nothin'." I sighed before opening the door and pushing it open...


End file.
